I am not the most organized person in the world. Well, okay, so I’m the least organized person on planet Earth. I’m missing the base pair genetic sequences for tidy and orderly. 

This nullifies the “parent tapes” playing in my head that say, “Everything in its place, and a place for everything.” It sounds so easy, but making that happen all by myself gives me nightmares.

Since I spend more time in front of my computer than anyplace else in my home — yes, more time than the kitchen, even — I would love to tidy up my desk.

Unfortunately, at this point in time, I live in a single room on a multi-function futon. That means it doubles as my bed and my office. Sometimes finding a place to stretch out at bedtime is a challenge. Which is why I need place to charge all my electronic gizmos to minimize cords around my bed. Then at least my cords would be organized. That’s a start…

You open your Internet browser and type in lingerie - wholesale. You choose a dealer with the styles you know he will like. How many negligees does one need for a 3-day tryst? You shiver with anticipation.

Finally the weekend arrives. You get to the hotel first to make your final preparations. You don the first negligee, barely able to contain your excitement.

There is a knock at the door. You call out, “Who is it?” You hear your husband respond, “I have the papers you requested.”

You unlock the door and take a pose as you say, “Come in.”

He freezes, his throat working but no sound comes out.

You say, “Lock the door. We don’t want my…husband walking in on us.”

His eyes widen as he finally understands the game. He locks the door and says, “We wouldn’t want that.”

He admires your negligee. “Very nice.”

You sidle up to him, unbuttoning his shirt. “I’m glad you like it.”

The negligee doesn’t last 30 seconds.

“If you miss the train I’m on, you will know that I am gone. You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles.” So goes the haunting folk song from the sixties.

There’s something about a train whistle, when the Doppler effect causes its sound to change as it moves away, that has always evoked a sense of sadness, just like that folk song does.

“Lord, I’m one; Lord, I’m two; Lord, I’m three; Lord, I’m four; Lord, I’m five hundred miles away from home.”

Having lived twice outside the United States, I know too well the tug of homesickness. It doesn’t matter if you’re abroad arranging an overseas property investment or stationed at a foreign military installation. No matter how much you enjoy where you are, it still feels like you’re visiting.

I also know that unless you’ve only ever lived one place in your life, somewhere else can become home, in time. It’s true. Home is where our heart is.

If I had gotten vinyl replacement windows upstairs like the ones my sister had installed downstairs in our mother’s house, I wouldn’t be in this mess. This is how it started.

When I moved in with Mom, I set up shop upstairs. The space is filled with boxes from the truckload of “stuff” my ex- brought out when we sold our house. So until I am emotionally able to deal with all the decisions that come with opening so many boxes filled with bittersweet memories, I’m living, working and sleeping on a futon. Yes, it doubles, er, trebles, as my desk, bookshelf and bed.

It sits directly in front of a window. This time of year the weather can change dramatically. This afternoon it was summer. Tonight it’s spring, it’s raining, the window won’t close, so my desk-bed-bookshelf is getting soaked. And all because we didn’t have the window company install vinyl windows upstairs, too. *sigh*

When our church had a golf tournament for charity last year, I was on the committee of people that would go to different businesses asking for promotional items as prizes for the golf tournament.  In return, we would advertise for the company in our golf brochures.

We managed to get several hundred promotional products and ended up having to do a whole lot of advertising, but we also raised a lot of money for the charity that we were supporting.  I think that everyone had a great time and I know for sure that I did.

With all of the corporate gifts that we had obtained everyone in the tournament ended up getting a least one prize.  When all is said and done I think that the golf tournament was a huge success and it is definitely something that I would not mind being involved in again.

My friends and I recently went to prom and in order to make it special we went in together on a limo. The ride was great and the limo was the bomb. Leather inside with fun lighting and a great stereo system.

Eight of us, four couples, split the cost of a Philadelphia limousine service for the evening and it was great!

They picked us up at each of our homes and then took us out for dinner. We had a great time at the restaurant and then we went on to the prom. The place was decorated amazingly! It looked like a very, very, expensive production from a movie set of some foreign film with beautiful fabrics and trees and plants.

When the night was done, the driver took us all back to our final destinations safely. It was the best night I’ve had so far and I know my friends all were impressed too.

A few years ago, I was struggling in my relationship with my husband and I knew that our marriage was falling apart.  He would not admit to this and so I went on my own to talk to my pastor and see if he could give me any advice.  He gave me a relationship book to read and told me that he was there anytime I needed someone to talk to.

I had read several books on keys to as happy relationship prior to this meeting with the pastor but none of them really hit the nail on the head as this book did.  When my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas I told him that I wanted him to read the book and tell me what he thought of it.

He read it, and finally admitted that there were some major problems in our marriage and told me that he loved me and we do it every had to fix those problems.  He started listening to Dr. Phil advice and even went to see the pastor on his own.  Most days we’re doing okay now and I attributed all to the pastor’s book.

I grew up sharing a bedroom with my sister. It was crazy because we never really did get along. In fact, we drove each other absolutely crazy. We would fight over everything from clothes to boys to who had to clean up which parts of the bedroom. She always wanted me to clean the side my bed was on, which wasn’t fair because it was also the side with the closet.

As we got older and our need for privacy grew greater, the fighting got worse and worse. We would end up physically hurting each other and there was nowhere to go to escape the other person. I hated it when she touched my stuff and I am sure she hated it when I wore her clothes.

We are both adults now, with our own children and we get along just fine. Maybe it is because we don’t have to share a room anymore or maybe it is because we are both more mature. I think it would have been great having this kind of relationship growing up, but at least we survived the wrath of each other and got to this point where we can just enjoy each other.

It’s funny how differently people face the inevitable. A former classmate of mine, now living in Northern California, has gone out of his way to avoid thinking about the end of his life. He’s planned for everything else, just not the end.

He doesn’t want to talk about a will — and in California that’s not a wise move when you’ve got a business and heirs. Even when I snuck him a California Life Insurance quote, he refused to purchase. It should go without saying that he had never darkened the door of a funeral home’s showroom.

But after a brush with death in a serious accident, he, who had been in the peak of health, had to be hospitalized for nearly two weeks and then more than a month in convalescence. He came out of that experience a different man in some ways. And I am relieved to report he now has a plan for the end of his life. Interestingly enough, he’s relieved, too.

There is nothing more frustrating than having a spouse that makes so much noise in their sleep that you can’t help but wake up.  It not only affects your relationship, but your general demeanor as well.

Now, my wife used to be a quiet sleeper when we first met.  In fact, I was surprised that it was so easy to transition from sleeping in your bed alone to sleeping with someone else - it was as if I was sleeping by myself.

It was like this until my wife was in a car accident about three years ago and was injured.  She did recover from her injuries, though she ended up breathing very loudly at night.  I thought that I would be able to sleep through the noise, but I quickly discovered that it was going to be a big problem.

It was that way for the past two years until I purchased a sound conditioner to "clean" the air of the breathing sounds that she has been making.  Needless to say, we are now able to sleep together again in the same bed, and we both get a good night sleep in each day.